Posted: 1:13 p.m. Friday, July 19, 2013
Batting cleanup this week, MaconDawg:
SEC Media Days has finally reached its conclusion. We've heard everyone talk about how scary Jadeveon Clowney is, how Johnny Manziel simply doesn't know how to set an alarm clock, and how Les Miles's Australian accent makes the angels weep. All of this means that, at least unofficially, SEC football is right around the corner. In fact, Georgia football players will report in 11 days, and fall practice will begin in 13. Rejoice, ye gridiron congregation.
Incidentally, it was as I was watching another summer tradition, the MLB All Star Game, that I was struck by a curious question: if SEC football coaches were baseball players, what would be their respective "walk up" tunes. You know, the song that the P.A. plays as the hitter strides to the plate, that helps him get juiced up (metaphorically and naturally, not Barry Bonds literally). Some of them are pretty well known, and some players rarely if ever change theirs. Chipper Jones of course used "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne practically his entire career. Current MLB home run leader Chris Davis of the Orioles goes with "The Moment We Come Alive" by Red. It would have been nice to see each coach striding to the front of the room in Hoover to his own signature tune. Maybe they can incorporate this idea next July. If so, I've got a few ideas:
Steve Spurrier. The Ole Ball Coach seems like the kind of guy who hasn't updated his musical tastes since about 1982. There comes a time in every man's life when he really has to work to keep up with what's going on in popular culture. My sense is that Spurrier just don't care, man. I'm assuming the old drop back passer would stride to the plate to the tune of "Gimme 3 Steps" by Lynyrd Skynryd. It's just as good now as it was in '78. Now pass him another Coors.
Nick Saban. Saban likewise seems like he doesn't have time to keep up with this stuff. He's a tad younger than Spurrier though, and I sense that there was a Trans Am in the Armani Bear's youth. And for a Trans Am man, there's no more efficient process to get the juices flowing than a little "Sister Christian" by Night Ranger. Motorin'. Gray shirting through the night. Signing Mr. Right. Etc.
Mark Richt. This is a tough one. I mean, I've always presumed that when Mark Richt really jams out there's some Steven Curtis Chapman involved. But when he's getting ready to knock the cover off the ball, Richt is probably rocking out to something by Dire Straits or the Outfield. "Voices Of Babylon" seems like a good fit. Because if there's a Dad Rock denizen among this crowd, it's Mark Richt.
James Franklin. James Franklin listens to whatever you listen to, high character, totally non-sexually assaultive high school football player. Look! A helicopter! And a changed culture! This ain't your grandpa's middle-of-the-pack SEC finish!
Gus Malzahn. Gus Malzahn has spent most of the most important parts of his career in Auburn. I assume this means he'd walk up to something by O.A.R. It doesn't really matter what song. All O.A.R. sounds the same anyway. A little like an O.A.R. fan plinking you over the head for calling them "oar".
Kevin Sumlin. Having watched Kevin Sumlin's frenetic offense and his languid demeanor off the field, I'm a bit conflicted here. But the guy was pretty smooth this week in Hoover, especially in the face of the clamor over his star quarterback. A smooth operator like Sumlin would probably head to the plate to the tune of "Freakin' You" by Jodeci.
Dan Mullen. Assuming "Yes, We Have No Bananas" was already taken by Les Miles (just kidding, he texted me to call dibs), I'm guessing Mullen goes with "Dixieland Delight" by Alabama, which has been number 1 on the countdown at Starkville's WBEL since it was first played as a hot new hit in late 2006.
That's 7 coaches. As Rutgers fan Jon Bon Jovi would say, woah. We're halfway there. What walk up music do you think the rest of the SEC head coaches would choose? Until later . . .